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Jeez, Jay thought, can it really be that late? Time really flew when you were relaxing. Well, he deserved to relax; it was his day off after all. He looked guiltily at the pile of laundry that he carried out here this morning, intending to fold it. Oh well, he would get to it later. He would watch just one more show, and then he would finally get dressed, fold the laundry, clean the bathroom, start dinner….Hmm, screw all that. Rick could take him out for dinner tonight. He had promised that he wouldn’t work late like he usually did. Jay was glad that he wasn’t a workaholic like Rick, putting in 14-hour days on a regular basis. He stretched out on the couch, yawning. Maybe he would have a little XXXX before Rick got home. Sitting on the couch all day was tiring.

"Honey, I’m home!"

Jay woke up with a start. Shit, it was 6 o’clock already, and he still wasn’t dressed. Rick was going to be pissed. He was always lecturing Jay about being lazy; Jay was going to have a hard time persuading him to take them out to dinner tonight.

"Jay, what are we…..hey, what the hell have you been doing all day! You promised that you would clean the place up, and make dinner. And you’re still not dressed!"

Jay rolled his eyes. Damn, it was going to be the LECTURE again. Rick would go on and on and on about responsibility and sharing duties and making something out of your life. Ugh. Persuading him to go out for dinner was going to be tough. Gee, he had a really nasty look on his face. Jay could feel the righteous indignation radiating from Rick. To his surprise, Rick turned on his heel and stormed off. Hmm, usually Jay was the one who indulged in temper tantrums. Jay could hear loud crashes and bangs coming from their bedroom. Moments later, Rick, reappeared, carrying a bundle of rope.

"Ricky, I’m sorry. Why don’t we go out to dinner, and I’ll clean some of this up when we get back?"

"I don’t think so. If you want to spend all day watching the boob tube, you can spend all night doing the same thing."

Jay’s jaw dropped, but before he could say anything, Rick was on top of him. He was like a madman. Jay couldn’t believe that this was his starched, buttoned-down uptight Rick. Rick pinned Jay to the couch, and working with incredible speed he had Jay roped up a like a calf waiting to be branded. Rick stood up, face red, panting, his tie askew.

"I suppose that you forgot that today was our anniversary. I brought a bottle of champagne home, to drink before we ate the dinner that you were supposed to be preparing. But since there isn’t any dinner, that means no champagne – at least not for you.

Oh shit, Jay thought. Now he was in deep doodoo.

"Ah, Ricky, I’m sorry I forgot. I promise that I’ll.."

"SHUT UP!!! I don’t want to hear another word from you. Here, this will make sure that you don’t say anything else."

"Rick, no, don’MMMMMPPPHHHHHH."

"You wanted supper. You can chew on that instead."

"GGGGMMNOO. MMRRRICKKKKK!"

Jay tried to spit out the white sock that Rick had shoved deep into his mouth. Yuck, it tasted horrible. Before he could get the sock out, Rick picked up an undershirt from the pile of laundry, and advanced towards Jay. Jay didn’t like the look on Rick’s face – he looked really nasty. Jay had never seen him so upset. What was he going to do with that undershirt?

"MMMRICK? GGGMNNOOO!"

Rick planted one knee in the middle of Jay’s chest as the tied the undershirt around Jay’s head.

"That will keep you quiet. I’m doing you a favour, aren’t I, Jay? Now you have a good reason to sit on the couch and watch TV instead of doing something useful and constructive. Have fun! I think I’ll take myself out to dinner. La Grenouille sounds good to me. Bye."

"MMMMNO! GGCMEBACK!"

La Grenouille! This wasn’t fair! Rick was going to have dinner at the nicest restaurant in town, and he was leaving Jay behind! No way. Jay wasn’t going to take this lying down. He would get out of these ropes in no time at all, and if he hurried, he could join Rick before he had finished ordering.

Oh boy, Rick had really tied him up tight. Jay noticed that his hands were turning a funny colour, and he was getting pins and needles in his hands and feet. Blah, that sock that Rick had shoved into his mouth really didn’t taste very nice. Brrrr, Rick must have turned down the heat before he left. Jay was shivering. Perhaps it hadn’t been the smartest thing in the world to sit around all day in his undershirt and boxers, not in the middle of January.

Brrrrrinnngggg. Brrrrinnnnggggg. Jay stopped struggling for a moment. The answering machine came on. He could hear Rick’s voice.

"Jay, I thought that you would like to hear what I have ordered for dinner. To start with, carrot and fennel soup, then lobster in sauternes, and to end it all, their special Grand Marnier soufflé. Mmm, washed down with a nice bottle of Chateauneuf. Doesn’t that sound good? Ah, and this martini is delicious. I hope that you’re enjoying your sock. Byeeee."

"MMMNNOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Jay was desperate! His stomach was rumbling, and his mouth was watering, making that nasty old sock ever soggier. He had to get to La Grenouille. He threw himself off the couch and starting making like a crab. He would crawl there if he had to; it was only a few blocks away. Perhaps they might overlook their dress code for once. Slowly, ever slowly, he made his way towards the door.

THE END

Jay played by Rod

Photography by Caitiff

Date of Production: 07/25/2003