Share this Update

24 photos

I adjusted my binoculars to make sure I was getting a perfect view – not that I really needed confirmation of what I had long suspected. But it was much better to be safe than to be sorry. I had to be 100 per cent positive before I acted. However… I had caught the bastard in the act! There he was, letting his Great Dane deposit yet another tremendous load of shit on my front lawn. He was casual about it – thinking that no one would be up at this time of night to observe his crime! Well, he had thought wrong. It was time to set my plan into motion. I was going to teach that smug bastard that crime doesn’t pay.

I paced back and forth, wearing a hole in the rug as I waited for my guest to arrive. I had everything I needed ready for him – rope, a couple of rags and an enormous bag of dog turds that I had been keeping in my freezer. It had taken me weeks to set this up, and I had been collecting evidence ever since I had assured myself as to the culprit. I had taken some pictures, but the dog doodoo was exhibit number one. The evidence was thawing out; I had been XXXX to spray copious amounts of air freshener in order to conceal the smell, but it wasn’t completely effective. I would be glad to get rid of it. I heard the doorbell ring. Pasting a totally false welcoming smile on my face, I greeted my guest.

"Hey, dude. Nice of you to ask me over for a brewski. Gee, it looks like I’m the first one here. Hope that I’m not early."

"No, no" I said through gritted teeth. "You’re not early. Here, let me take your jacket."

He shrugged off his leather jacket and I made my move. Instead of taking the jacket, I hooked one foot around his ankle and he went flying. The house shook as his muscular body slammed into the floor. I was on him in a flash, as he lay there, momentarily stunned. Before he had time to gather his wits, I grabbed his hands and dragged his arms behind his back. I snatched up a length of rope that I had left lying on the hall table, and started wrapping it around his wrists. I wasn’t taking any chances with him, so I used lots of rope. He was starting to struggle by the time I had finished binding his wrists– I felt like a cowboy riding a bucking bronco.

"What the fuck are you doing? Let me go, you fucking pervert!"

I grabbed a hank of his dark hair, and pulled his head back.

"Open wide, asshole!"

"What are…MMMPHHHHHH!"

I shoved a wadded-up rag into his mouth, making sure that it was pushed deep into his throat. I didn’t want his cries to alarm our neighbours, the very people that he had been expecting to meet. I take a second strip of cloth, and tied it tightly over his mouth. He wasn’t going to be spitting out the stuffing anytime soon. I rose to my feet, puffing somewhat winded from my exertions. I pulled on his hair, dragging him to his knees.

"GGWHATMMFUCKMMJUMTHINKMMDOING? GLETMMEGOMNOW!"

"You’re not going anywhere, dickhead. I’m going to teach you that you must respect other peoples’ property and rights! You are going to learn to be a good neighbour."

"MMWHATMMTALKINGMBOUT? LEMMMEEGOOOO!"

He tried to stagger to his feet, evidently attempting to escape. I wasn’t having any of that. One good shove and he was flat on his butt. It took me only a moment to tie his feet together. I laughed as he tried to kick out at me. He was helpless, and completely at my mercy.

"I’ll show you what I’m talking about, asshole. Don’t you move, or you’ll be sorry."

I trotted off to gather up the evidence, which I had stashed in the laundry room. Gad, but it stank. Thank God I had doublebagged it – otherwise I would have left a trail of dog shit through the house. As I returned to the living room, I could hear him grunting and puffing through his gag. I paused in the doorway to watch him. He was squirming around on the floor, struggling against the ropes, attempting to free himself. I tsked in disapproval. I had warned him about the consequences if he moved. Apparently my new neighbour wasn’t too bright. It might take a LONG time to teach him how to be a good neighbour.

"GGWHATMMDOING? GGNNOOOO! MMPLEASEMMMNOOOO!"

I stood up, somewhat disheveled, and surveyed my guest. It had been rather amusing wrestling with him on the floor, as he attempted to evade me and my rope. He certainly was well-built! I had to adjust my trousers as I looked down on him, hog-tied and defenseless. Hmm, this lesson in neighbourliness was taking on an entirely new dimension.

"You want to know what is going on? THIS is what is going on! "

I thrust the huge bag of stinking dog XXXX into his face. He recoiled in XXXX. I had to admit that I was feeling a trifle queasy myself. I had been perhaps a little overzealous in collecting evidence; I hadn’t realized that I had accumulated quite so much excrement. Scooping up one pile of crap at a time had been bad enough – having this large bag of thawing, stinking turds was almost unbearable.

"I’ve been watching you for weeks, letting that stupid dog of yours shit all over my lawn. You didn’t really think that you would get away with it, did you? I should make you eat it all!"

"MMMNNOOO! GGMURMMCRAZY!!! GGMTHEMMFUCKMAWAYFROMME!"

He went berserk, rolling around on the floor, screaming into his gag, desperately trying to free himself. I smirked as I watched him. Of course I wouldn’t make him eat the dog shit – that would have been horribly messy, as well as unsanitary and unhealthy. I was far too fastidious for that kind of thing. However, I thought that it had been an excellent threat. It seemed to have scared him. I found myself becoming quite excited as he thrashed about. He really did have quite a buff body – obviously he spent lots of time at the gym. I tried to readjust my trousers again, but for some reason they refused to be adjusted. It was much easier to take them off and throw them to one side. Ooops, something had popped out of the fly of my boxers.

My hapless neighbour caught sight of what was jutting out of my underwear, and he began struggling anew.

"OK, asshole. Here’s the bargain. I won’t make you eat this load of dog crap. I’ll give you something else to eat instead. I’ll let you prove to me what a good neighbour you are going to be in the future."

The End

The Bad Neighbour played by Antonio

Photography by Caitiff

Date of Producion: 10/10/2005