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Welcome to “Captain Rapier!”

MUSIC:                     Main Theme Up and Out.

HOST:     

Captain Rapier, masked avenger and defender of the weak and helpless who wields his naked sword in defense against those dark XXXX that surround us all, brought to you by Uncle Wigglie’s worms and night crawlers. Remember nobody’s worms wiggle for you like Uncle Wigglie’s. And now let us open our story.

NARRATOR:

Word had come to Captain Rapier that young Jimmie Squeals, cub reporter for the Winston Beagle and Captain Rapier’s biggest fan, had been captured by the Bass Bomber Gang and even now was being held their prisoner in a remote hideaway.

CAPT. RAPIER:

Oh no! Not poor Jimmie!

NARRATOR:

Silent as the darkness that was his second home, Captain Rapier crept up on a small cabin hidden out in the big woods. Strange, there were no guards posted outside. Captain Rapier slid his sharp sword out of its scabbard and tiptoed up to the door. He opened the door, and—

NARRATOR:

Captain Rapier opened the door slowly, hoping that it wouldn't give off a telltale squeak. Then he peered into the darkness inside the cabin, and –

CAPT. RAPIER:

Jimmie…? Jimmie, are you in here?

NARRATOR:

Captain Rapier listened intently, hoping to hear some mmmphing sounds coming from his young companion since he assumed that the talkative young reporter would certainly be tightly gagged by now, but he heard nothing. So then he moved deeper and deeper into the gloomy interior of the cabin, until –

CAPT. RAPIER:

This is a Device!

NARRATOR:

Yes, it was a very big bomb and Captain Rapier could see that it was ticking. And then a much more frightening sound reached out of the darkness.

LARGE MOUTH:

Well, well, if it isn't Captain Rapier. Welcome to our little trap. I must confess that I am a little surprised that you took the bait.

NARRATOR:

Oh no! It was Large Mouth Bass and three of his Small Mouth companions, and they all had guns pointing at our Captain Rapier.

CAPT. RAPIER:

What have you done with Jimmie?

LARGE MOUTH:

Oh, nothing yet. In fact, the last time I checked that motor-mouth was XXXX peacefully and having sweet dreams.

CAPT. RAPIER:

If you do anything to him—?

LARGE MOUTH:

Aren't you more worried about what we are going to do to you?

NARRATOR:

Very quickly, all three Small Mouths surrounded our Captain, disarmed him, and stripped off his special protective vest. Only then did the villainous Large Mouth Bass approach with the special shackles he had fashioned for our Captain.

LARGE MOUTH:

Hold onto him boys and watch out. He can be very slippery.

NARRATOR:

Captain Rapier could have easily defeated the three Small Mouth goons, but he was more concerned for young Jimmie than he was for himself. As our faithful listeners know, young Jimmie had come to our Captain’s aid many times, and now the Captain felt like he couldn't let his young friend down.

CAPT. RAPIER:

If anything happens to my friend Jimmie—

NARRATOR:

Large Mouth Bass moved suddenly and shoved a stiff leather plug deep into Captain Rapier’s mouth. Then just as quickly he buckled two harsh leather straps around the Captain’s neck to hold the big plug securely in place.

LARGE MOUTH:

One motor-mouth in the morning is enough! Have a seat Captain!

NARRATOR:

The small school of Small Mouths pushed Captain Rapier down into a hard chair and then busied themselves wrapping and tying several coils of rope around our Captain’s ankles.

LARGE MOUTH:

That’s enough of that, bring the car around. And you, our dear Captain Do-Gooder, you just sit here nice and make yourself comfortable. We're all going to see if your young friend Jimmie can swim with the fishies.

CAPT. RAPIER:

Mmmph! MmmMMMmmmph!

LARGE MOUTH:

Save your breath Captain and calm down. We wouldn't want you to have a heart attack or something before this bomb goes off.

NARRATOR:

Large Mouth Bass placed the ticking bomb right where our captive Captain could see it. Then he swam away quickly with the rest of his fish, leaving our Captain alone in the lonely cabin with only the slow ticks of the device for company. Captain Rapier looked down at the bomb clock and saw that his time was quickly running out. What was he going to do?

HOST:

Friends, do your worms tire easily and just seem to wilt on your hook? Every one of Uncle Wigglie’s worms and night crawlers are fed a special diet and put through a special conditioning program to insure that they will last and last on your hook. So don’t delay, try some of our special low-priced Uncle Wigglie worms or our large economy size Uncle Wigglie night crawlers today. And now back to our story.

NARRATOR:

Time was running out. It was running out for our captive Captain Rapier, and it was running out for young Jimmie Squeals who was even now being prepared for a swim in the deepest part of No Bottom Lake. Somehow Captain Rapier had to rescue him! First our brave Captain wrestled against the tight leather shackles that bound his hands, but they were too strong even for his heroic strength. 


Then he thought about trying to dispose of the bomb, but what could he do with it? There just wasn't enough time to take it somewhere and then to get away from it. What was he going to do? And then he remembered something that his good friend Uncle Wigglie had told him. “The sword is sharper than any bindings that might hold you.” His sword! Of course! But where was it now?

NARRATOR:

Captain Rapier huffed and he puffed and then he threw his whole body through the heavy wooden door that was holding him a prisoner. Only seconds remained now, but our Captain was very careful with his sharp sword as he cleverly used it to cut the leather shackles binding his wrists. Then in three great leaps, he rushed into the other room and stopped the ticking device just in time. But now time was very precious as out Captain spit out the harsh gag, slipped his broad shoulders into his special protective vest, and then took up his trusty sword.

CAPT. RAPIER:

To the rescue!

NARRATOR:

And then with a speed faster than that of normal men, our brave Captain rushed off to Jimmie’s rescue.

MUSIC:                      Main Theme Up and Under

HOST:

Thank you for being our guest here at Uncle Wigglie’s. Please tune in again tomorrow when we will hear Jimmie Squeals say –

JIMMIE:

Gee-Golly-Whiz Captain, I never saw so many hungry fish!

MUSIC:                      Main Theme Up and Out.

THE END