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39 photos; 2:58 video

Damn, why didn’t the sleazy bastard come home? I was getting tired of my perch up in this tree – I needed to pee and the bugs were driving me crazy. I was afraid that when I was swatting at them I was going to come crashing down to the ground, which would put a real crimp in my plans. Finally I heard a car slam – not a minute too soon in my opinion. My legs were starting to cramp, and my hands were getting so sweaty that I feared that I wouldn’t be able to handle my binoculars, let alone the lock picks. Ah, here he came – mutton trying to look like lamb. He didn’t fool me for one minute. I had made it my business to find out everything I could about him; and now I knew plenty. Once again I blessed the Internet, and my hacker friend. This scuzzy creep thought that he could blackmail me, did he? Well, I had quite a lot of damning information about him, and tonight I was going to use it. He was going to go down big time.

I put my binoculars to my eyes, praying that he followed his usual routine. I had had a PI follow him around and spy on him for me, but I had to handle this part of my scheme all by myself. I had already broken the law by breaking and entering, plus a few other things – things that I didn’t want anyone else to know about. Like the fact that I had substituted all the cans of beer in his fridge with a stash of XXXX beer. Now if only he did his usual thing…ah good. Through my binoculars I watched him open the refrigerator and pull out a can of Bud. What a slob, XXXX it straight from the can! Good, it should be only be a matter of minutes before…BINGO! The XXXX had worked had faster than I had expected. Through the window I saw him totter, and then fall. I clambered out of the tree and surreptitiously made my way to the door. Luckily for me, there were lots of tree and shrubs surrounding the house, making it almost impossible for the neighbours to see anything, but I didn’t want to take any chances. It took me less than a minute to get the door unlocked.

There he lay on the floor, out cold. I went into action immediately. Pulling his hands behind his back, I tied them together as tightly as I could. I hoped that the circulation would be cut off. Amputation was too good for this piece of work! Then I roped his feet together. Once he was nicely trussed up like a turkey going to market, I started going through his pockets. I knew that he kept the key to his strong box on his person at all times. I had found it just where the PI said it was, cunningly concealed beneath the floor. I didn’t know why he didn’t use a safety deposit box in a bank, but I blessed my lucky stars that he didn’t. I gave a sigh of satisfaction when I found what I was looking for. At the same time, I heard a feeble moan. The creep was coming to. I considered bashing him on the head to keep him quiet, but the sight of blood turns my stomach. Instead, I pulled a handkerchief and a bandanna from my pocket. Grabbing his short bleached blond hair, I grabbed his head. His mouth hung open, drool slowly dribbling down his chin. Yuck! I balled up the hankie and stuffed it into his mouth , and then tied the bandanna around his mouth to keep the stuffing securely in place. Then I let his head drop. It smacked the ceramic tiled floor with a satisfying clunk. Now I could go and get those documents.

My jaw dropped when I saw the contents of the strong box. Not only did it contain what I was looking for, but also there were many other papers, photos, computer discs and best of all a huge stash of XXXXs. Scumbag wasn’t just a blackmailer; it seemed that he was a big time dealer as well. This was something that my investigator hadn’t found out. This was getting better and better. I gathered up the entire stash. I knew what I was going to do with it.

When I returned to the kitchen, XXXX Beauty was still out cold. I had yet another fiendishly brilliant idea as I looked down at him. I was really going to make this creep suffer. Working quickly, I retied him, propping him up against one of the kitchen cabinets once I had finished. There, that was MUCH better. He wouldn’t be able to move a muscle now, and if he did struggle, that rope around his neck should make things really uncomfortable for him. And this way, he would be XXXX to watch.
"Wake up time, you bag of shit. Come on, wakie wakie."
I accompanied by words with a few slaps to his face. It didn’t take too long for his eyes to start fluttering.
"MMMPHH. GGGWWMWHAT? MMMMUMMBASTARD! GGGULLBESORRY!"
I laughed in his face.


"No, YOU’RE the one who is going to be sorry. Lookee here. I’ve got all of your goodies. You have some really interesting things here. There will be lots and lots of people who will be glad to get their hands on this stuff. I imagine not all of them know who it was who was blackmailing them, but I’ll make sure that they find out. I imagine that Dominic Agostino will be very pleased to get these pictures back. And once he finds out that you were the one…tsk tsk, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes."

"MMMMNOOOOO! GGGGUMCANT! MILLLGIBUMONEY!"
"Shut up, you sack of shit, I don’t want your filthy money. And look at this – this piece of paper you were using to blackmail me with you. As you pointed out, it has my prints on it – without the prints, it is worthless, so it doesn’t matter if you scanned it, or photocopied it. Watch it burn up."
The creep looked at me with burning hatred in his eyes as I pulled out my lighter and torched the paper.
"Now let’s talk about all of these XXXXs. I’m sure that you owe someone a lot of money for them, don’t you. Ooops, look at that. The bag ripped. Isn’t it too bad that it happened just over the sink? Oh, and this bag ripped too, and this one and this one. Gee, what a mess. All of that powder messing up your nice clean sink. I had better turn on the tap to clean it up."
"MMMNOOOOOOOOOOO! NNNODDDDONTTTTTTTTT!!!!"

Creep boy was going crazy as he watched me flush a fortune down the drain. I surmised that I was correct in my assumption that he owed some rather nasty people money for these XXXXs. He was in deep shit, and he was going to be in deeper shit once I mailed off a few packages of documents and pictures, explaining where they had come form. Dom Agostino alone would take care of this weasel, and there were others concerned who were almost as bad.
"Tata, enjoy your life. If I were you, I would think about getting out of town."
I blew him a kiss as I walked out of the house, full of satisfaction from knowing that I had rid this town of one particularly nasty parasite

The Blackmailer played by Mickey O' Shea
Photography by Caitiff